


NASA Sweatshirts and Sweatpants

by DestielFanGirl



Series: Bad Days AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Being an Idiot, Cutting, Eventual Relationships, Hearing Voices, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:58:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielFanGirl/pseuds/DestielFanGirl
Summary: Logan has bad days. This particular time is a little more concerning than usual. Logan starts to believe he isn't worth something and it's Virgil's job at the end to help Logan remember his worth and put his broken pieces back together.





	1. Warnings and Helpful Things

~Warnings~

This will talk about suicide, cutting, and drinking. If it is triggering to you then I'm warning you now that this is a lot of the story. If you are having a bad time please ask for help. If you just want to talk to someone, I'm here and you can pm me on Wattpad or here if you want. Lastly if you like this story, comment and leave a vote.

~Things That Might Help You Read The Story~

Writing like this is text and spoken words.

_Writing like this is Logan's head voice._

**Writing like this is the voice.**

_ Writing like this is Patton in the first chapter and Virgil is the second chapter. _

** Knocking is written like this. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a link to my profile of Wattpad. You may have to paste this into the search bar though.  
> https://www.wattpad.com/user/MadisonTooker#  
> Let's stop my rambles and get on with the story shall we?


	2. Prologue

"The family is the first essential cell of human society." -Pope John XXIII

\----

Logan loved his family even if he didn't say it. The problem was that he is the only one that has his not so good days put out in the open for his whole family to see. It always made him aggravated to feel like he needed Patton to take care of him. Logan absolutely hated it when he woke up wearing his favorite NASA sweatshirt and a black pair of sweatpants. It never meant something good for him if he didn't put them on himself. But that is very rarely because he doesn't dress down that much and he doesn't like a reminder of his bad days. The mindscape had a system though, where if Logan was going to have a bad day, it would predict it and forcibly change him into them in his sleep. He hated these days so much because they made him feel inferior. He felt illogical and stupid. Today just so happens to be another one of these bad days.


	3. It Started Out As A Bad Day

"All right, every day ain't going to be the best day of your life, don't worry about that. If you stick to it you hold the possibility open that you will have better days." -Wendell Berry

\----

Patton had just finished making breakfast. He is usually the first one up. Then Logan, Virgil, and Roman. Respectively.

He was starting the coffee when Logan came down and sat at the table. Logan had on his NASA sweatshirt and black sweatpants. Which was unusual for Logan. Yes, they didn't dress up as formal as they did in Thomas's videos but Logan still did. He only dressed down when he is having a bad day, and he would never realize it.

"Good morning Kiddo!"

"What do you want Patton?"

"I just wanted to tell you to have a good morning."

"Patton it's not going to be a good day. Do you not see what I'm wearing. I'm not going to get anything done today. And out of all people I think you should realize that being our 'dad' that you would know I'm not going to be productive. And that is infuriating."

_ Ouch that hurt. _

Patton had realized when Logan first walked in that it wasn't going to be a good day for Logan, but he didn't need to be mean about it.

"Now kiddo I know you aren't feeling good today but we can try to be positive about it."

"This day won't get better Morality. Nothing in this place is ever in order. You guys sit around all day and I have to maintain order. And you are the biggest one of them all Morality!"

Now Patton was almost in tears.

"Kiddo. I was only trying to help."

"Well you didn't, and stop calling me that."

"Sorry Ki-Logan."

"Yeah you should be."

Logan stomped off leaving Patton in the kitchen alone.

_ Logan didn't really mean it. Right? He's just having a bad day. He didn't mean to be mean to me. _

Despite telling himself that he sat down in the corner and the tears started to fall freely from his face.

Sometime during all this Virgil walked into the kitchen and didn't see Patton in the kitchen, but he could hear him.

"Patton?"

No response.

That is when he saw him. He was in the corner, with his head between his knees and hands wrapped around his legs. He strangely looked like, Virgil. himself.

No words were spoken as Virgil walked over, sat down next to Patton, and pulled the other into his embrace. Virgil knew he needed to get Patton out of here, and he did the only thing he could do. He synced them out and into Patton's room. He gently set a still very distraught Patton in his bed, and then joined him after setting his glasses on the bed table. Eventually Patton calmed down and Virgil and him went to go make cookies. Patton forgot about why he was crying and Virgil let it go.

_I know I shouldn't have yelled at Patton, he was only trying to help, but he was being too cheerful and it was starting to get annoying. It made my headache worse than the already pounding one I was having._

Logan sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands.

"It's not my fault. It's because I'm in my rough day."

_Right?_

"What am I thinking, I probably hurt his feelings. Damnit I can't do anything right. I hurt everybody around me."

_Woah, where did that come from?_

**Nowhere because I am your thoughts.**

_I don't know._

**Why don't you believe your own thoughts Logan? You know what I say is true.**

_Because it's not logical._

****Then why don't you do something about me if I'm so wrong?** **

_I-uh-I-I don't know how_.

********Why don't you try this?** ** ** ** ********** **

Suddenly a small knife appeared on his bed.

_What is this for?_

**I think you know what it is for. Logic!**

_What the hell is happening to me?_

**Nothing is wrong Logic. This is all your thoughts. I'm just telling them to you so you are aware that you need to do something about this before you must somebody else. Morality. Anxiety. Princey. Even sweet Thomas. You could just then one day. You know what happened last time. You threw that note card at Roman and you hurt him. What happens when you don't control yourself the next time? And there will be a next time. What happens when you actually hurt him or the others?**

For the second time that week Logan didn't know what to say.

**You're a piece of shit Logan! You should just fucking kill yourself. You deserve it, for all the shit you have put the others through. Pick up the knife Logan. Take it to your thighs.**

"Maybe I am a worthless side." Logan whispered and pulled his sweatpants off, leaving himself in his boxers.

Logan picked up the knife and hesitated when he brought it down to his thigh.

**Do it!**

And Logan did it, dragging the knife across his thigh.

_It fucking hurts so bad._

**You deserve the pain Logan. You deserve it for all you've put them through.**

Logan stopped at a precisely four inch straight cut. He did nine more perfectly identical before doing the same to the other side. It hurt but he knew he deserved it.

**Good now go clean yourself off so the others don't see how pitiful you are. Put your regular clothes on and then go about your day. Let them believe it was an accident. Go apologize to Patton first. You don't need him thinking something is wrong.**

_Okay, but they might realize something is wrong when I haven't been normal at all today._

**Trust me they will believe anything you tell them because you're Logic.**

The voice didn't come back so Logan went to take a shower.

_Who would have known that even water hurt?_

Logan walked back into his bedroom and went straight to his dresser. He grabbed his usual clothes instead of a clean NASA shirt and sweatpants. He pulled his dress pants up quickly, so if someone came running into his room nobody would suspect anything. He buttoned up his shirt and walked out of his room after fixing his tie. He put on his usual stoic face and walked to Patton's room before knocking three times as per usual.

"Patton? I wish to speak to you."

The door opened to reveal a cheery looking Patton.

"Heya, Lo. Whatcha doing here?"

"I came to apologize for how I acted this morning. I was having a bad day and I took it out on you, and for that I'm sorry."

"Oh, Logan it wasn't your fault. I know how hard it gets when you have a bad day. I shouldn't have pressured you."

"That shouldn't excuse my behavior. I was out of line."

Patton knew there was no arguing with the logical trait, so he just accepted to apology.

"I forgive you Logan."

"I'm going to go back to my room and work on more schedules for Thomas. Just call for me when its dinner time."

"Okay Kiddo! since you weren't feeling good earlier, maybe you can choose tonight?"

"Patton. I never get to choose. Why not Virgil or Roman?"

"Well I just thought it would be nice to let you choose dinner this time. So what would you like to have?"

"Would it be okay to have grilled chicken burgers?"

"Sure thing Kiddo. Now you go do your thing. I'll call for you."

"Goodbye Patton."

"Bye Kiddo."

Patton closed his door and Logan walked to the kitchen. Logan had planned on eating something since he didn't get to eat anything this morning. But that came to a halt when he was shoved into a wall. He looked up at his attacker only to realize it was Roman. he looked at Roman quizzically.

"Salutations roman. While I don't mind the company, I'd like to ask you as to why I'm 'pinned' to a wall."

"Don't you ever hurt Patton again. Virgil told me what you did and if you hurt either of them I'll get you."

"I don't understand Roman. What ar-!"

"Shut up! God you're such an emotionless robot all the time."

Roman shoved Logan against the wall and then left him alone.

Logan ran to his room with tears forming in his eyes as he completely forgot about his hunger. Logan slammed his door shut and backed against the opposite wall before sliding to his knees. Logan put his head between his knees, letting the tears flow freely from his face, and gripped his hair tightly.

**See you hurt them even when you aren't doing anything. You need to be punished for what you've done. I know you kept the knife Logan. You may not know why, but I do. You kept it because you knew you would fuck up again. You kept it because you know you deserve the pain. Do it Logan. Pick the knife up and take it to your thighs again. give yourself that feeling again. You deserve it Logan. Its why you kept it.**

_Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!_

Logan picked up the knife and cut his thigh. The voice didn't taunt him.

_Maybe physical pain makes the voice stop._

A sharp pain brought Logan's attention to his thigh. He dropped the knife and clamped his hand over his thigh.

_Shit I am going to need stitches. Thank God I learned first aid last year when Thomas did. How would I have explained this to the others. Patton would panic and wouldn't know what to do. Roman would be pissed at him for hurting himself. and Virgil.... God if Virgil knew it wouldn't be good._

Logan limped to the bathroom where his first aid kit was and got to work fixing himself up. Five minutes later he was all patched up and the evidence was hidden. He decided it was best that he just went to bed. Logan fell asleep very quickly.

Logan woke up with a burning sensation through his leg

**Knock Knock Knock**

"Kiddo wake up. I made breakfast."

"I'll be down in a minute Patton."

Logan walked over to his dresser and stopped in front of the mirror.

_God I'm so fat. I should puke breakfast back up. Woah, what?! Where did that come from? I've never had ideas of an eating disorder before. Why am I thinking these things?_

**It's because you believe them Logan. You are fat. You should go puke that food up later. Go eat but don't forget to puke it up. Act like nothing happened.**

Logan was confused, but put his black button up and jeans on, taking time to make the tie perfect.

He walked down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Morning Kiddo."

"Salutations Patton. How are you?"

"I'm great Kiddo."

Virgil walks in the kitchen. He heads straight toward the coffee pot.

"How ya doin Kid?"

"M'fine."

I wait for Virgil to move away and take a seat at the table before I grab a cup for myself.

"Greetings fellow citizens and Logan."

"Good morning Kiddo, but don't be mean."

"I'm just being honest Padre."

"Oh be quiet Princey. He's smarter than you anyways."

"But I certainly look better."

Princey does a twirl, and Virgil rolls his eyes. Patton walks back into the living room and gives us each a plate of food.

"What are you guys doing today?"

Virgil mumbles his usual and Roman rambles on and on about everything he was going to do. Logan was never given the chance to speak and Patton didn't ask as he changed the subject. But Logan did see the smirk on Roman's face. Logan looked down at his plate.

**You shouldn't eat that.**

_But they will be suspicious if I don't._

**Then eat but you will puke it up later.**

_Fine. Whatever. Just leave me alone._

**You know I can't do that.**

_Go!_

Logan slowly picked up his work and slowly put a bite in his mouth. He forced himself to eat every last bit. Just so nobody grows suspicious of him.

"I have some work to do. I will be out for dinner."

"Okay Kiddo don't forget to-."

I know what he said. He says it every time. 'Take a break Logan' 'Drink water Logan' but at that moment, I didn't care. I just have to get out of here right now.

**Go throw up. Right now! You don't deserve to eat. You are fat. You are ugly.**

Logan went to the bathroom in his room.

**Good! Now put your fingers down your throat until you gag.**

Logan didn't even hesitate before he kneeled down and pushed two fingers down his throat as hard as he could. He gagged almost immediately, and he puked up what little food he did consume. He kept retching until there was nothing left.

**You will do this every time you eat now.**

_Okay._

Logan starts sobbing.

_I'm a loser. I can't keep the others safe. I can't even keep myself safe. I can't eat. I'm worthless and should die. I don't help Thomas. I make everything fucking worse._

**Good you're learning now. Go and get your knife from your room Logan. This time I want you to cut your arm. But they can see my arm. Wear a long sleeve shirt stupid.**

_O-okay._

Logan grabbed his knife and made twenty same, four inch cuts. Logan dropped the knife and started to sob.

_Why am I even a side of Thomas? I'm selfish and don't help Thomas. He is the opposite. He is caring, kind, and helpful. I don't deserve to be a part of him._

Logan cleaned himself up and put his PJ's on and went to bed. Logan didn't come out for dinner. Nobody even noticed that Logan didn't go to dinner that April 10th.

As the next two weeks went along nobody noticed what Logan was going through in his head. Logan cut more every day and if he did eat a meal, he would puke it right back up. He didn't leave his room unless he had to.

When he did he didn't talk unless spoken to and kept his gaze to the ground. Patton thought it was nice Logan was letting the others have a say in matters. Thought that isn't why. Roman thought he finally got Logan to shut up so the focus could be on him. That was only half true. And Virgil? Virgil kind of missed Logan's ramblings, he didn't realize it, but if he did he wouldn't let anyone else know it. Logan became the robot that Roman already thought he was. Logan wasn't happy but as long as the others are he is okay with being miserable.

\----

"The marks humans leave are too often scars." -John Green


	4. The Pain Comes To An End

"You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change." -Les Brown

\----

Three weeks exact, after his first cut Logan ever made, was Thomas's birthday. April 24th. That's today. Thomas was going to go out drinking with his friends. The side were going to stay in the mindscape while he was gone. Roman was singing and twirling about. Virgil lounged across the couch. Patton was in the front of the common room. And Logan? Logan was hiding in his room.

There has always been one secret that he's always had to keep. Whenever Thomas drank it had an affect on Logan. He was Logic and drinking definitely is not logical. Whenever Thomas drank, Logan would act differently. He would stumble, stutter, get anxious, and he couldn't see very well. It was almost as if he was drunk himself. That is why Logan hid every time Thomas drank. He always thought they would make fun of him for not being logical in those times. It was a small fear if his just like the ocean. This is Logan's state right now.

_I can't leave my room because they will find out. And they will make fun of me. And Thomas won't want me to be a side anymore. He'll hate me. Oh God what if they find out I cut myself? They will think I'm weak and worthless._

**Do it**!

Logan didn't have to be told twice. He picked up the knife and made ten cuts each on his arms and legs. They weren't straight or the same length because he couldn't see.

_Shit that hurts._

**Have you ever thought about drinking Logan?**

_No. It messes with me._

**But that's what happens when Thomas drinks. You haven't drank, so how do you know you don't like it?**

_Well I don't know._

**How about you try this? Consider it one of your experiments.**

In front of Logan appeared a bottle of wine. Logan didn't like this idea but opened the bottle. He took a sip.

_This is awful. Why would anyone want to drink this?_

When he looked down, in place of the wine was a bottle of chardonnay. Once again he went through the process and didn't like it.

Over the next hour, Logan spent his time trying different drinks. It turns out Logan is a hard whiskey person. Instead of taking a sip, he kept drinking it. He ignored the burn in his chest as he drank. He finished half the bottle before he realized what he was doing.

_What did I just do?_

**Looks like you're a whiskey person Logan.**

_Why didn't I start drinking sooner? I love it._

**That's good. I'm glad you like it. You're going to keep drinking right?**

_Hell yes._

That night Logan drank until he passed out from exhaustion. It was the first time he slept in three days. The rest of the week for Logan consisted of cutting, throwing up, and drinking. By the end of the week Logan was addicted.

It was now Sunday, April 28th and it was time to make a new video. It was going to be a new Sanders Sides video. Logan was just trying.

Logan had brushed his hair and took a shower. He put on a long sleeve black button up, his black slacks and blue tie. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took a long swig. To him it wasn't long enough. He took another swig and walked out of his room. He went to the common room where he was able to sync up into the real world of Thomas's house.

Logan stumbled when he popped up. he didn't even end up in his spot. He looked up to see he was standing with Virgil in his spot and the others were starring at him.

"Apologies Virgil. I'll uh go over to my spot now." Logan whispered.

Virgil looked at him funny but otherwise let it go. Logan doesn't make mistakes. And for him to rise into my spot and stumble is unlike him. Virgil made a mental note to talk to Logan about this later.

The video went along as usual, but there was something missing. Maybe it was because Logan wasn't acting normal. But it wasn't enough for them to realize Logan was off. Virgil was stressed and therefore forgot he was going to talk to Logan. Logan still wasn't noticed. So he went back to his room to restart the vicious cycle of cutting and drinking.

When he closed the door to his room Logan let out a sigh of relief. He had acted just pitiful enough that they believed he was his old self.

**Cut yourself Logan.**

Logan picked up the knife and looked at his arms and thighs. He thought about how it was when his body was clean of the scars it now has. He looks at the hundreds of four inch long, straight cuts. He then looks at the forty curved cuts they were different lengths and sizes. But he doesn't seem to care and makes new cuts.

**You're so worthless that you have to cut yourself just to feel alive anymore. You're fat. You're ugly. Nobody will ever love you. You hurt every one around you Like. You aren't even smart.**

_I know._

** Knock Knock Knock. **

"Kiddo it's lunch time."

"I'll be out in a minute. You don't have to wait for me though."

"Okay."

Logan cleans himself up and puts his pants back on. He takes another swig if whiskey and steps into the hallway. Only to run straight into Roman.

"Excuse me. I need to get to dinner."

Logan tries walking past Roman buy he grabs his wrist hard and yanks him back. This causes Logan to suppress a whimper in pain.

"You think you are so smart don't you? But I see you trying to get pity from the others. You are so stupid. How are you the smart side anyway?"

Logan didn't answer him.

"What do you not know the answer nerd? God you're an idiot Logan. No I take that back. You're a day, ugly idiot."

Logan started to tear up but didn't dare cry in front of Roman. Roman was aggravated that there was no response from Logan, so he punched Logan in the gut. And Logan could have sworn he heard Roman call him a dark side as he walked off. Logan walked back into his room and drank the rest of the whiskey bottle.

_I'm so stupid to think they would care about me._

**Oh Logan they never cared for you. You were more like a chore they always had to keep together.**

Logan walked downstairs and sat in his seat at the table. He sits next to Patton and Virgil but unfortunately that means he has to sit right across from Roman. Logan kept his gaze down and ate what little food he had grabbed. Logan excused himself to go to his room where he went directly to the bathroom and puked up the food he had just ate. He didn't have to be told by the voice anymore. It was just instinct to hurt himself.

April 30th, two days later, and Logan continued his cycle. On this particular day Virgil was very anxious and wanted some of Logan's logical speaking to calm him down. This was also not a very good day for Logan. It was a bad day for Logan. He knew this when he felt the familiar texture on his body when he woke up in the morning.

Logan sat up in his bed.

_Shit what am I going to do? I can't do this today._

Logan grabbed his knife and bottle of whiskey and went to his bathroom. He didn't have to be told to cut himself anymore. Frankly he didn't know if the voice was there anymore. Maybe it had abandoned him like everyone else had. Logan pulled those dreaded black sweatpants down and he cut. He cut himself in a fit if rage.

**Loser. Emotional robot. You're the least favorite. Nerd. Worthless. Dark side.**

_Stop. Stop. Stop!_

Logan finally looked down at his thighs as if he had been in a clouded haze.

_Shit._

Logan carefully examined the state of his legs.

_Great at least I don't need stitches._

Logan wiped down his thighs and quickly bandaged them up.

_God I'm so worthless that I hurt myself._

Logan picks up the bottle and chugs down most of the liquid.

_The burn fucking hurts but it's all I have left._

Logan pulls up his sweatpants, grabs his bottle, and walks back into his room. Logan sets the mostly empty whiskey on his nightstand as he starts to feel dizzy. He rests himself against the wall as his room stars to become blurry.

_What's going on?_

**You're drunk Logan. It happens when you're having a bad day. You drank and now you're drunk.**

Logan didn't want to believe what was being told to him.

_No the mindscape wouldn't let me end up like this._

**It's your bad day Logan. Anything can happen on a bad day.**

Logan was getting more panicked the more he listened. He was so wrapped up in his mind that he didn't hear the knock on the door.

I giggle at the thought of someone coming in my room. "Come in." I slur.

I look to the door and see a blob of black and purple. Virgil.

"Hey L-Logan?"

Logan started giggling. "You're cute Virgil."

Logan continued giggling while Virgil stared in shock.

_ Did his crush actually like him back? _

"You're reeeally cute Virgil."

_Why is Logan acting like this?_

That is when his eyes tell on the bottle of alcohol.

_ He's drunk? But Logan doesn't drink. Right? Oh my God that's what I smelled on him when he popped up in my spot. _

Virgil sighs and walks into the room.

_ Holy shit it reeks of alcohol in here. _

He still continues toward the logical trait. Virgil lifts Logan up and wonders why he is so easy to carry. He puts Logan in the bed, while listening to him giggle to himself.

_ Why does he have to be so cute? _

Virgil puts Logan under the covers and walks to the door.

"Virgil?"

He turns around to look at him. "Yes Logan?"

"Come here." Virgil sighs and walks back to the bed.

"Do yo-." He was cut off by Logan leaning up and kissing him. Virgil was in such a state of shock that he didn't respond. Logan pulled away from Virgil and looked like he was going to cry. "I-sorry." Logan stumbled his way to the bathroom before Virgil could unfreeze.

_God I'm such an idiot. Why would he ever like me?_

He didn't notice until now the ringing in his ears. He tore off his sweats, grabbed his knife, and sat in the tub.

_I deserve this. It's the logical thing to do._

Logan placed the blade to his arm. He pulls through, meeting no resistance. He didn't care if they were even or straight or the same length. He just wanted this to be over. He ran the knife over his thigh, letting the blood pool down the side of his leg. Logan's vision began to blur even more as he started crying.

Logan jumped as Virgil burst through the door. "Logan!" Virgil ran to my side, and before I can respond, he throws my knife the other way.

"Lo, why did you do this?"

"You obviously don't like me. Roman hates me and tells me so. I just let Patton down constantly. You are so nice and I'm just an emotionless robot. In what sense would you ever like me? I can't even feel love like-." I was cut off by Virgil kissing my lips.

"Logan, all those things you thought aren't real. You are helpful and nice. You aren't as worthless as you think you are. You help me even if you don't realize it. Don't listen to what Roman says. He doesn't know what he's saying. I love you Logan. I'm going to help you through this okay?"

Logan nodded.

"Let me help you clean up."

Logan let Virgil move him onto the sink. "The-uh-supplies are under the sink."

"Oh, okay." Virgil opened the door, careful not to hit Logan's legs, and set the kit next to Logan on the sink's counter.

_Why did I agree to this? Virgil probably thinks I'm useless and can't take care of myself._

"Hey get out of your head. I'm right here. I'm gunna help you. Okay?" Logan nods. Virgil takes out specific supplies and sets them outside the kit. He grabs a towel and pours out something smelly on it before starting to wipe my cuts down.

_Shit it burns._

"Hey. Hey. Look at me." I look into his eyes. "I know it hurts but it will feel better soon." He leans up and kisses my forehead. He gets to work bandaging me up and when he is done he lifts me up and takes me to my room. This time he lays down with me.

"Thanks Virgil."

"You don't have to thank me. It's the least I could do for my pocket protector."

Logan blushed at Virgil's words. "Can I-uh-I mean can we-?" Virgil surged forward and kissed Logan intensely. And Logan responded with more intensity. They fought over who had control over the kiss. Logan ended up submitting to Virgil, but he didn't mind it. After all, he wasn't going to give up something he has wanted for a long time.

Eventually they had to breathe, so they broke away. They fell asleep with their arms wrapped around each other.

Logan woke up screaming. He had to get away from the firm grip around himself. "Let me go!" Logan struggled to get away. "Please just let me go."

"Logan?"

The grip lessened.

"Logan, you're having an anxiety attack. Breathe with me okay?" A hand grabbed his and put it on what felt like a chest. It calmed him down a little. "In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Good. You're doing good Lo. Keep breathing with me."

Slowly Logan could see and felt safer knowing it was Virgil behind him. He looked to his face and looked in sorrow for what he had done while he was in shock. There was a bruise forming along the side of Virgil's face.

"Virgil, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-I mean I-it's just...." Logan looked down. "Sorry Virgil."

"There is no need to apologise. You were having a nightmare."

Logan instinctively reached out to grab a bottle of whiskey, but Virgil grabbed his arm before he could. "Logan, I don't think that's a good idea. How about we go eat some breakfast?"

Logan grimaced at the thought of food, but Virgil didn't notice. Food was greasy and had too many calories. The thought made him want to puke. "When is the last time you ate?" Honestly, Logan couldn't remember.

_Was it Thomas's birthday? Was it last week?_

He couldn't remember the last time he ate a meal and kept it down. So he didn't answer.

"Logan, when is the last time you ate food?"

Logan remembered now. "The third."

"Logan! That was three weeks ago!"  _Had it really been that long ago?_

Logan looked away.

"Why?"

"I'm fat and ugly Virgil. I don't need to eat. I'm fine."

"Logan, how can you say these things about yourself?"

_I don't know._

"You are beautiful and amazing and smart. You don't need to believe them. You are stoic, but at the same time you care about others' feelings. Whatever Roman said is not true. You know what? Fuck him. He's an asshole. You want to know why? He may have romance down, but he only cares about himself most of the time."

Logan didn't know what to say. Everything Virgil was saying is opposite of what he's been told.

Could I really be worthy of love?

"Logan, I accept you for who you are. I love you, and I'm willing to help you through this if you will let me. Logan what I'm trying to say is...Will you date me?" Logan felt a smile fall on his face. "I-I-I mean you don't have to. I'm not forcing you. Only if you want t-."

Virgil was cut off by Logan pulling him by his jacket and kissing him on the lips. When they broke away Logan spoke. "I would be honored, but I think I need help Virgil."

"I can help you, Logan. I want to help you."

But I could hurt you. I hurt everyone around me."

"Logan I want you to promise me something." Logan looked down. "Hey, no. Look at me Lo. I want you to promise me that you wont talk bad about yourself. Can you promise me that?"

"I can try."

"See that's progress. I'm going to help you through this."

Virgil and Logan went to eat breakfast, and stayed in his room for the rest of the day.

\----

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." -Lance Armstrong


	5. Epilogue

Virgil knew that there would be a lot of work to do but they were going to get through this. Together. And if Logan relapsed, it would be okay because Virgil would be there to help him pick up the pieces. It would be hard, but there isn't any other place Virgil would rather be. And when Logan wore the NASA sweatshirt and black sweatpants next time, and wasn't having a bad day, it would be okay. Maybe they weren't so bad to wear after all.

\----

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family." -Anthony Brandt


	6. Clarifications and Announcement

~Clarifications~  
• Logan wears the clothing on a bad day because the mindscape can predict when these days will happen and puts him in they in his sleep  
• Logan is aware of the bad days and acts like they aren't real because he doesn't want others to pity him  
• Logan knows first aid because he intended to learn it to help the others but not it's himself  
• Logan fears not being logical and therefore they will make fun of him because he believes he needs to be logical to be taken seriously  
• Logan feels the buzz as if he's being drunk but he actually isn't because the mindscape keeps him in a clear state of mind for Thomas  
• Logan can't get drunk unless it is a bad day because the mindscape loses all control when it's a bad day

*Also I made it to 5,651 words. Yaaaaay!!!

~Announcement~  
Guys!!!! I'm so happy for finally finishing this. There was so much to do the last month. We had a PSAT, other important tests, a concert and jazz fest to perform in, graduation to practice for. I had originally planned on publishing this on Thomas's birthday (April 24), but on top of the things above, Wattpad was deleting all of my edits on this, so I had to retype it multiple times. I'm also happy to tell you guys that there is going to be a sequel to this, but my friend challenged me to write it as a smut book. So if you are offended, well sorry that I can't help you then, but if you are fine with it then it will be posted soon. Well I'm so happy for getting this to you. If you got this far then thanks for reading my story and my posting. Byeeeeeee!!!!

*Also as a side note this will be posted in a day or two on Wattpad


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